MIDDLE AGE DATING

We may think dating has evolved due to Women's Lib, men being more sensitive & just plain ole growing up. But it hasn't, we're still playing the same games we played in high school. It's like we're stuck in the 13th grade.

I have dated more men than I care to admit to. I have dated nerds, bad boys, rich men, poor men, nice guys, players, the just plain ole crazy men & men that are in a category all their own. I have been involved in the drama games; the I'll kill myself if you leave game, the I'll kill you if you leave game, the my wife doesn't understand me, the jealousy/control, the don't leave me I'm sick & dying & yada yada yada. And I am not beyond playing my own games when necessary.

I like men, I like the way they smell, I like the way they feel, I like the way they think. I like their competitiveness. I like the way they get real protective & macho. I like men! But dating makes me crazy!

It makes me crazy to know the first few dates are all pretend. I just hate it that within no time he will show his true self. And the man that gave me the giggles & butterflies in my stomach is a crazy lying social path, with erectile dysfunction.

It only takes me a few dates to know if I want to continue dating a man, my women's intuition goes crazy on me. I almost always listen to my intuition.

There are the guys that are emotionally scared or maybe scarred. The ones that are totally into you but won't admit it. They would rather loose you than to admit they have wussed out & fallen in love. They would rather spend the rest of their lives in regret with a "safe" woman. A "safe" woman is the one who will do ANYTHING for her man, it doesn't matter that he is not in love with her, it only matters that he stick around. A safe woman is perfect for an emotionally retarded man, they know they will never fall in love with her so there is no risk of getting hurt. He knows she will always be there, she's his mama.

The most disappointing part about dating is that one guy that is a super gentleman, is funny, is smart, takes you to the best places, treats you like a lady, buys the greatest presents, knows just what to say to make you feel special, but kisses like your old grandma. No chemistry, nope, none at all. Oh whoa is me, why, why, why?

Breaking up is hard even after just a few dates. Having to tell someone that you really don't click, that you aren't interested in them is very difficult. Most men won't deal with this, they just disappear. Poof & they are gone, no calls, no nothing, just gone, fell off the face of the earth! My girl friends hate this. They moan & groan & cry, "what happened, what did I do wrong"? They just can't grasp the - "he didn't like you concept".

I have only disappeared on a man once. It was out of pure necessity. I knew better than to confront him I knew I would not be able to control my evil twin sister, she was just dying to have her say & I knew once I started talking I would not be able to stop.

He & I dated for about 3 months, it was great because I didn't listen to my intuition!!! I refused to believe this man was dating several woman at one time and had a special woman he lived with. All the signs were there, but I ignored them.

We were at dinner one night when a woman walked in, looked at the two of us, her mouth dropped open, tears burst through & she bolted. He sat there calmly looking down as if he didn't even notice. I knew right there & then that he had just gotten busted. I disappeared the next day, poof gone, over, done!

He called & called but I refused to talk to him. About a year later we ran into each other & began dating again. This time I told him I was dating others & would only date him occasionally. He said he too was dating someone. I assumed she knew she was not the only woman he was dating. We went out a lot, not just occasionally, he stayed at my place or I stayed at his for days at a time. How could she not know where he was? Duh, how could I not know?

Then one day I got a call from a strange woman, she asked for me by my full name. Thinking it was a sales call, I asked her what the call was in reference to. Her reply, I think you are dating my man. "Sorry, I said, "but you need to discuss this with your man." She called several times after this but I refused to answer. I just won't deal with that kind of drama.

I didn't see him for about a month. We had talked on the phone. I had been traveling & was just plain busy. I pretty well figured out the woman was calling because of him. But I wanted him to tell me. He had proved himself a liar & player before & I really didn't think he had changed. So I wanted to see just how much of a pretender he could be. He mentioned it during our next date. He said, very calmly, "my friend found out about us." "She wasn't very happy. I gave her an ultimatum, if she wants to date me, she'll have to put up with me dating you, she was upset, but she agreed."

He then said he wasn't in love with her, but wasn't ready to break up because she treated him good. He said she was in love with him & he didn't want to hurt her feelings. He said at one time they lived together but he recently realized she just wasn't the "one" so he moved back into his home, but they still dated. He said he told her he would never marry her. She had no idea he was dating me & thought they were still exclusive.

I had no reply to any of this. I just couldn't think of a come back. It was all too much. Besides I too was dating another man, but he knew we were not exclusive. I felt really guilty, thinking I was just as bad as he was. I felt really sorry for this other woman, I never want to be in her situation. It was just too much information, too many stories, too much drama. Too much to absorb.

I mulled the situation over for a couple of days. The more I thought about it the more upset I became. With myself, with him & with her. He called & during the conversation I caught him in another & another & another lie. I let him carry on & dig the hole deeper & deeper. When he finished he asked if I wanted to get together for the weekend. I told him no! I said I was just disgusted with the whole situation. Just too many stories & too much drama. I said I was appalled how he was using this other woman. And using me also.

My evil twin came out! I have no idea what else I said. I do remember him laughing & saying well whatever. At one point he did get angry & made a comment about how I thought too much & needed to just accept things as they are. I ended up telling him to call me when he was available & capable of having a grown up relationship. And maybe, if I were available, we would discuss it.

He will call, this I know. But I will never be available again. He is emotionally retarded & a cheater.